Learning lessons about friendship

Originally published on The Electric Gospel on April 13, 2017.

Learning lessons about friendship


by Megan Koester
This letter is written to those I wished had been my friends in grade school, or the ones that were my friends, but as the years went on they faded away due to rumors and bad reputations.

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Dear schoolmates,

We have been going to school together for a few years now, but there are times that we do not all get along. Some days we are all the best of friends and we all play together at recess, but on other days none of you want to be seen with me. I am writing this to explain my side of the story and to hopefully better understand why things are the way they are.

I know that no one is perfect and that is why feelings can be hurt. What happens is we do not always put others above ourselves; everyone is guilty of it. I also understand that it is easy sometimes to leave people out without realizing it, but I’m hoping this letter can make you realize it. You might also hear things about people and believe them to be true, but that is not always the case.

I look to the eighth commandment when struggling with a possible rumor. As the commandment says, “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16). When you get told something about someone and you are not sure it is true, the best step is to talk to the person first. Ask whether or not it is true, because stories get made up or sometimes they get accidentally changed, like in the game telephone. Always keep that person’s reputation in mind. No matter what you hear, think of that person first and talk to them. There is an important proverb to remember in regard to gossip: “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:13).

A true friend is someone who looks out for others and includes them in everything. All of us struggle with this and may leave people out. This can be for many reasons. It might even be because of the rumors you have heard about the person. Other times we leave people out because they do not fit in our group of friends. The problem never goes away. Even parents leave other adults out of an activity because they feel they do not belong.

Think of the story of Zacchaeus. Jesus called him out of the tree and went to his house for dinner. Jesus’ disciples were unhappy about this because Zacchaeus they saw him as a dirty tax collector. Jewish tax collectors were disliked because they would cheat people out of more money than needed. The tax collectors would then keep that extra money for themselves. The disciples thought Zacchaeus did not deserve to be eating with their leader, our Savior. Jesus pointed out that he had come to earth to save everyone, and everyone was the same in God’s eyes. Everyone was covered in sins and needed their sins washed away.

In our lives, everyone is different, yet we all are forgiven because of God’s love. We are loved, and we too want to love everyone because of Christ’s love in us. One of my favorite passages is 1 John 4:19 – “We love because he first loved us.” This is, of course, difficult for all of us to do because we are sinful, but because of God’s mercy and Jesus’ death we are forgiven.

Next time you hear a rumor or are about to leave someone out of your group, talk to the person. Take a moment to show the love that Jesus showed you. Go out and show that love to others because Jesus has filled us with much to share with everyone around.  I will continue to pray for you, and I ask that you continue to pray for me.

Your sister in Christ,

Megan