confidence

05
Jan
2020

Christ-esteem

Originally published on the Electric Gospel on June 26, 2017.

Esteemed by God in Christ

Author’s name withheld for privacy

I have never had a lot of self-esteem, and I still don’t have much. It may not seem like it on the outside, but it’s true. My lack of self-esteem has caused me to put up barrier after barrier, and I’m not quick to take them down.

Growing up, there were many things that contributed to this. I was bullied, I didn’t have a lot of friends, I was not skinny like I was supposed to be, I was a “nerd,” and so on.  Most of the kids in my grade school made me feel like I wasn’t worth anything until they needed my help for something.

High school was better, but I still wasn’t skinny, I still was a “nerd,” I was the teachers’ pet, etc. Things actually were better, but in my mind, they weren’t. It was during high school that I started to become involved in several activities. It was my way to feel important.  I made sure that I gave more than my best, even if it made me stressed, unhappy, and even depressed. I had turned into a perfectionist with little to no self-esteem.

I have now had two years of college under my belt, and I’m happy to say that in some ways, things have gotten better. However, I’m still a perfectionist.  I strive to give my best no matter what, but more often that not I find myself falling short. It is because of this that my self-esteem goes up and down.  I still lack confidence in my own abilities, and I set very high standards for myself that are oftentimes far beyond my reach. I still bury myself in activities that I love and enjoy, because I want to feel like I belong or that I can succeed. I struggle with the fact that I don’t like parts of myself–such as how I look or how I act.  Yet  I know that God made me unique in my own way, and that he loves me for who I am. I struggle with feeling like I don’t fit in or belong. I struggle with wanting to be something or someone I’m not.

While this seems like it’s all bad, it’s not. Being very involved gives me something to work hard at and enjoy. It’s good that I strive to give my best in everything I do.  Being the way I am gives me the opportunity to look at things differently and understand others going through the same thing. I find myself constantly encouraging others, because I know what the opposite feels like.
Things have been getting better, but I know I have quite a way to go yet. I know that I can never be perfect, and there are so many passages that I find comfort in–ones that show me that I’m important, that I’m worth something, that I am God’s child.  (A few such verses are shown at the bottom of this blog post.)
It truly is such a blessing to know that because of Christ’s death and resurrection, I don’t need to be perfect. I am saved no matter what; it doesn’t depend on what I look like or how I act. I am perfect in God’s eyes, and that’s what matters.

Comfort in the Scriptures:
  • So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced (Isaiah 41:10-11).
  • Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9).
  • God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth” (Psalm 46:1,10).
  • Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).
  • And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. … In all things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:28, 37-39).
Posted by David Sellnow
26
Dec
2019

A Cry from the Depth of One’s Heart

Originally published on The Electric Gospel on August 1, 2014.

During the summer of 2014, The Electric Gospel featured items written by participants in a summer writing workshop. In this post, Carl Heling shares with us a prayer from his heart, leaning on God in the midst of frustrations with life.  His lament echoes what psalmists have cried — and what our own hearts often feel.

___________________________________________

A Prayer, a Lament – From my Heart to God

by Carl Heling

O Lord, God, maker and preserver of all things, hear me as I come to you. Listen to my cry.  As I sit here pondering on my life, I realize time and again how wretched and lowly and poor a human being I am.  Surely, I do not deserve the gracious blessings you have given to me nor to be called your child, but you still do so continually.  Oh, how my heart can’t fathom your love!

As I lie here, I feel lost in a world of chaos and uncertainty.  Every day I labor and toil long hours to make a dollar, pay the bills, help the family, go to school, and give to church.  I do so with my best effort, knowing that it is my duty to do so as a citizen and member of the family and because that is what you desire from your children.  Yet I am unhappy, full of grief and pain.  I am disappointed and uncomfortable with myself and my doings.  Things never seem right or good enough.  I could have done this better.  I should have done that better.  O Lord, my heart is plagued and overrun with grief and pain on account of the sins and failures I commit every day of my life!

As I sit here, Lord, every day feels so futile.  I feel lost and powerless in this large world of chaos.  I don’t know how I am to best serve you with the unique talents and abilities that you have given to me. “Utterly meaningless!  Everything is meaningless (Ecclesiastes 1:1).  I am filled with urgent desire for knowing your Word, and yet despite that still find myself feeling as if everything I do is useless and fruitless.  And so I am filled with grief and sorrow.  Along with this, I feel sorrow on account of always feeling grief and sorrow!  I sorrow for the things I should or could have done better.  I grieve over all the sins and failures I have done in my everyday tasks.  And I sorrow and grieve about how much I sorrow and grieve.

Oh, how I long to be with you and with all the saints in heaven!  Heal this broken and plagued heart and mind of mine, Lord.  Invigorate my mind, body, and spirit with your strength and grace.  Forgive me of all my sins and failures and lead me to do better.  Ultimately, give me true, godly wisdom and understanding, as well as a steadfast and true heart set on your ways and your heart.

This is my cry, O Lord.  In your mercy in Jesus, hear me.

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;
2     Lord, hear my voice.
  Let your ears be attentive
    to my cry for mercy.
3 If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
    Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
    so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
5 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
    and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
    more than watchmen wait for the morning,
    more than watchmen wait for the morning.
7 Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
    for with the Lord is unfailing love
    and with him is full redemption.
8 He himself will redeem Israel
    from all their sins.

(Psalm 130)

Posted by kyriesellnow
24
Dec
2019

Living in hope, not fear

Originally published on the Electric Gospel on December 9, 2017.

In the season of Advent, we are reminded of the hope we have in our God.  For centuries God’s people waited on the promise of the Messiah’s coming.  In lean times and dark hours, such promises from God seemed far away and uncertain; God himself seemed distant.  But God’s commitment to us never wavered, and the coming of Christ was always a certainty.  We live in hope, in confidence, in the certainty of faith, setting aside fear — because we know that God holds our safety in his hands.  He keeps all his promises.
This week’s Electric Gospel message is one filled with hope in God, who is eternally reliable.  As a child of God sings in a favorite song, “Jesus loves me, this I know. … Little ones to him belong; they are weak but he is strong.”

Living in hope, not fear

by Laurel Hirschmann

“Do do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God”   (Isaiah 41:10)

I am scared of losing my faith. I put off going to sleep, knowing that as soon as I go to bed, as soon as my brain shuts down for the day, I will tempted more than I ever have been. I am plagued with thoughts that have never challenged me more in my life. I try to reassure myself. I know God forgives me. I know God sent his Son to die in my place. I know Jesus rose from the dead and will come to take me to heaven someday. I know this is the truth. I know God is real. I know all the “right” things, so why am I so terrified that I will lose my faith?

Through faith alone. By Scripture alone. In Christ alone. By grace alone.

I did nothing to earn my salvation. I am a sinful human being who fell short and could not possibly come to the knowledge of the truth except through the Holy Spirit. And God gave me his Holy Spirit. God gave me the gift of eternal life, not because I earned or deserved it. He gave this precious gift out of love, completely free of charge. I take this knowledge for granted. I say these words without recognizing what comfort they bring. I do nothing – nothing – to earn my salvation. My sinful nature keeps trying to tell me I do, that somehow it is up to me. It is trying to say, “You have to hold on. You were given the truth, but now it is up to you to keep it. Do not jump out of God’s hand—that’s your responsibility.”

I know all the “right” things, but what I fail to remember is that my faith is not left up to me. I did not come to it on my own. God chose me. He set me apart from the beginning to be his child. He tells me this countless times in his word.  Christ’s apostle assures me, saying God chose us in Christ “before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love​ ​he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will” (Ephesians 1:4-5). Another letter in Scripture provides further assurance of this: “He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time” (2 Timothy 1:9).  I rest my confidence in God’s promise, which proclaims: “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will” (Ephesians 1:11).

I do not need to fear. My faith is not up to me. It is not my feeble, shaky grip on God, but God’s unwavering, firm grip on me that keeps my faith secure. I know God forgives me. I know he sent his one and only Son to atone for my sins. I know Jesus paid the price fully. I know he rose from the dead. I know I will not lose my faith, because God promises he will not let go of me, that nothing can separate me from his love (Romans 8:39). I know God chose me, and I know I will spend an eternity with him in heaven.
Posted by Electric Gospel