relationship

Dec

2019

The Body of Christ

Originally published on the Electric Gospel on August 15, 2014.

During the summer of 2014, The Electric Gospel featured items written by participants in a summer writing workshop which I led. This post finished that particular series. Tracy Siegler urges us to be more open and genuine with one another in our Christian relationships.

___________________________________________

Body-Building

by Tracy Siegler

It is Sunday morning. In church entryways and fellowship halls around the world, Christians are greeting one another.

“Good morning!”

“Good morning! How are you?”

“Fine, how are you?”

“I’m good.”

“Do you think that storm they’re talking about is going to hit us?”

“I hope not, we have a picnic to go to this afternoon.”

That’s a pretty typical exchange. How often do the conversations in your church entryway stay at that level? Do you ever see people hugging in your fellowship hall? What about tears? Is there much exuberant laughter in the lobby of your church? Do people have a look of earnestness in their eyes as they speak to their brothers and sisters in the Lord?

Our Lord tells us, “Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.” (1 Cor 12:27) We are the body of Christ? That sounds a little strange at first, but it’s actually quite a beautiful analogy God uses in his Word to describe how his believers on earth are connected to Jesus and to one another. Christ is described as the head, and we the members are each a unique and essential part of his figurative body. “From [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” (Eph 4:16) What a wonderful picture! There is support. There is love. There is work. There is connectedness. All of it is from Christ, our head.

It gets even better! The head of our body doesn’t just direct and connect. He also sacrificed. “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” (Eph 5:25-27) Christ really did that for us – even if that’s not the immediate impression we get when we look around in the fellowship area. We are full of stains of sin and wrinkles of worry and blemishes of bad decisions. But by his amazing grace, even as we continue to struggle with sin and worry and bad decisions, we are radiant, holy, and blameless in Jesus! He makes each one of us a perfect, unique, essential part of his body. With that in mind, our conversations can get a little deeper and more personal. We might make ourselves a little more vulnerable. We might get a little more invested.

“Good morning!”

“Good morning, how are you?”

“I’m good – just tired.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine – it’s just that yesterday the kids were bickering and fighting all day long. By the time they were finally in bed we were so exhausted and frustrated that we stayed up way too late watching a movie. I hope I don’t start nodding off during the sermon.”

“Ugh. We’ve had days like that. They are exhausting. Should we sit behind you and poke you in the shoulder from time to time?”

(laughing) “Maybe you should! Hey, whatever works, right? Anyway, what about you?”

“Doing well. We are really excited to go to a picnic this afternoon. Did I tell you about that neighbor of ours who has been going through cancer treatment?”

“You did. How is he doing?”

“He’s good! He finished his treatment. His most recent scans were clear. The treatment was successful.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful! So many answered prayers…”

“Yup, so this afternoon they are having a picnic to celebrate, and we are planning to go. I just hope it doesn’t rain…”

Jesus, our head, gives us opportunities to build one another up, “until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” (Eph 4:13) As we express genuine interest in our fellow believers, and as we share our own hopes, fears, joys, and struggles in a way that is more intimate than casual, we are building up the body of Christ!

When we talk to each other about how God’s word applies to the intimate details of our lives, the word of Christ dwells in us richly as we teach and admonish one another with all wisdom. (Col 3:16) Encouraging one another in our lives of faith through the Word, the Holy Spirit works in us. The body of Christ increases in unity, in knowledge of the Son of God, and in maturity. Day by day, the body of believers grows closer to attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Together we look forward to the day when we enter into our heavenly fellowship hall, and that process will be complete.

Suggestions for Prayer

… Praise God for his beautiful design for the family of believers.
… Confess times when you have not taken the time or risked the intimacy of investing yourself in your brothers and sisters in Christ.
… Thank Jesus for making you a member of his body, for giving you the other parts of the body for mutual support and encouragement, and for his sacrificing headship.
… Ask the Lord to work within the body of believers so that we grow in unity, knowledge of him, and maturity.

Dec

2019

If you see someone, be someone

Originally published on the Electric Gospel on June 30, 2019

If you see someone, be someone

by David Sellnow

“When Job’s three friends … heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. … They sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was” (Job 2:11,13).

Renae’s life had crashed in an instant. She had thought her husband was her soulmate, and her son had been her pride and joy. But in midlife, her husband, Randy, had an affair. She wanted to preserve their marriage, but now it seemed like a thousand-piece puzzle with no guide for aligning all the jagged edges. Then her adult son, Danny, was diagnosed with AIDS. He’d had HIV for a couple years before symptoms started to show. He hadn’t been one to do regular medical checkups, so the disease wasn’t discovered until his health began to deteriorate. The onset of AIDS also became the first time Danny told his parents that he was gay. He knew they held traditional views and would have a hard time accepting who he really was.

Indeed, Renae did have problems coming to terms with her son’s situation, as well as her husband’s infidelity. She wanted healing with Randy, but couldn’t stop herself from picking and gouging at the scabs of the hurt that existed between them. Her heart ached over Danny’s suffering, but she couldn’t bring herself to be at his side. She felt alienated from both her husband and her son.

Always an active church member, Renae felt cut off from her spiritual community too. No one called. No one stopped by—except her pastor.

“I don’t understand, Pastor Kim,” Reneae said. “I thought the people at church were my friends. It’s like I’m suddenly an outcast.”

“They tell me they don’t know what to say or do,” Pastor Kim responded. “I’ve urged them to come see you, to be with you—even if they don’t have all the answers. I don’t have all the answers either. Sometimes what the Lord wants us to learn from life’s struggles isn’t easy to see.”

“It seems all God wants is to punish me and give me trouble.”

“That’s not how God is. God is with us in our suffering, and wants us to be with one another in suffering. Speaking of which … how is Danny doing? Have you had opportunity to spend time with him?”

Renae stared at the floor. “I don’t know what to say to him,” she said.

“It’s less about what you say and more about being there for each other. Danny needs your love, and you need his love too.”

“But … but he’s not who I thought he was,” she stammered.

“I reckon God as our Parent could say that about all of us—children who are different from what he envisioned for us. Or, as Isaiah described, we’re like sheep who ‘have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way’ (Isaiah 53:6). But God came to be with us. Jesus came to walk alongside us and was willing to carry our sorrows and infirmities. ‘He took up our pain and bore our suffering’ (Isaiah 53:4), and all our sins were laid upon him. This is not a time to withhold your love from your son, Renae. There’s never such a time.”

“I guess all three of us need to try to understand each other and lean on each other,” Renae acknowledged. “Randy has been more supportive to Danny than I’ve been. He’s been spending time with Danny.”

“If there’s room in your heart to forgive Randy, I believe there’s room in your heart to be the mother your son needs.”

“Job’s friends came to him after his life had collapsed all around him. They didn’t really know what to say. In fact, as time went on, they said many of the wrong things. Read Job’s story if you want lessons on what not to say to someone in a crisis. But at least Job’s friends came. They cared enough to come and sit with him. They sat in the dirt for seven straight days before they attempted to say anything. Those days sitting on the ground beside their friend were perhaps the best way to offer compassion and comfort. This short life is long on problems. And in our problems, we need people to come and be with us—the way God himself came to be with us in our problem-plagued world.That Sunday, Pastor Kim addressed the congregation with a sermon about the friends of Job:

“You’ve heard the expression, ‘If you see something, say something,’ referring to signs there may be trouble or a threat to safety. I have a similar message for you today. If you see someone, be someone. When you see someone who is hurting, be someone who goes to that person. Be someone willing to sit in the dirt with someone who has been crushed down to the ground. Be someone who cares, someone who rebuilds and befriends. Be Christ to your neighbor, entering into their suffering, bringing compassion and hope.”

That week, Renae was visited by a number of her church friends. And Renae and Randy and Danny began reconnecting as a family. Things didn’t get easier, but they faced the challenges together.

DISCUSSION THOUGHTS:

Do you know someone who could use an encouraging word, or just the encouragement of your presence? When will you reach out to them?
If you need encouragement, who is someone that you can ask to come and sit in the dirt with you?

BIBLE PORTION TO READ: Job chapter 2

PRAYER:

Lord, give us friends when we need friends, and move us to befriend others when they need us. In Jesus, who came to suffer with us. Amen.

Dec

2019

Be liberal with your love

Originally posted on the Electric Gospel on July 3, 2018.

Last year for Independence Day, I posted a message titled, “To Change a Nation, You Must Change Souls.” I thought I’d post something again this year for the national holiday — something that says a little bit about how the culture of politics often differs from how hearts are moved by faith.

Feel free to share this post with others.

*****************

Be Liberal with your Love

by David Sellnow

I want to be liberal, and hope you will be too. I’m not talking about political liberalism, but the kind of liberality that every Christian will want to espouse. Our hearts go out to all those in need of spiritual guidance or physical assistance. Our gifts will flow freely, liberally, in order to bring needed benefits to them.

I fear that some within the Christian community have so adopted the doctrines of political conservatism that they become unwilling to practice liberal Christian kindness, which is eager to assist those in need. A church member—a dear, dedicated lady—argued against giving aid to struggling families. Our congregation was providing them with vouchers to the community food bank. Bear in mind, we paid pennies per pound for the food, and our annual expense for this charitable effort was less than one percent of our congregational budget. It wasn’t the amount of our donations that sparked this woman’s objection. It was the principle of the matter. She was firmly convinced that helping the poor encouraged helplessness and dependency. This can sometimes be the case, but is not always so. The Bible writer James described a scenario in which an individual is truly in need of help. You can’t tell him he should budget his income better; he has no income. You can’t say he should work harder; he has no job and no prospects. The person James pictured is literally naked and absolutely lacking. He’s got nothing. He’s totally helpless. Will you help him … or will you pass by on the other side of the street? James’ brother, Jesus our Savior, told a parable that warned against behavior like that. Jesus’ parable pictured a priest and a Levite passing by on the other side of the road when they encountered one of their countrymen who had been robbed and beaten and left for dead (cf. Luke 10:30-37). Being a true neighbor means helping anyone that you see in a position of need—as the good Samaritan in Jesus’ parable exemplified.

Along with our inaction toward neighbors in need in the communities where we live, we have allowed ourselves to fall into similar attitudes globally. We see Third World inhabitants as the concern of international policymakers, not of personal concern to us. We fear foreigners as threats to our jobs through outsourcing, or we want them as markets for our products through exporting. We fail to remember that they are, first of all, people. They deserve our evangelistic concern and Christian compassion. If love for others—including strangers and foreigners—is not in our hearts, can we say the love of God is in us? “He who doesn’t love doesn’t know God, for God is love. … If a man says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who doesn’t love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen” (1 John 4:8,20)?

******************

“Be liberal with your love” is excerpted from the book, Faith Lives in Our Actions: God’s Message in James Chapter 2. Get the eBook for your Kindle, or you can download the free Kindle app to read on any device

Dec

2019

Building others up

Originally published on The Electric Gospel on November 19, 2017.

Building Others Up … Not Tearing Them Down

by Morgan Shevey

If your family is anything like mine, the time when everyone comes home from school can be a tense situation as everyone gets used to living with one another again. The long vacations are often not harmonious as we all, myself included, criticize every little thing that does not happen to our liking. We send disgusted looks when someone wears a rather original outfit or sneak in a scathing comment when another family member does not sweep the floor well enough. Every single thing is seen as being wrong and is immediately subjected to judgment.

The same issues often arise in the church, as we come into contact with individuals of different backgrounds and gifts. Again, we find ourselves judging others who do not dress up enough for services or have taken a completely different approach at conducting worship. What makes it worse is that most of this criticism takes place behind our fellow believers’ backs. Tearing down our brothers and sisters in Christ becomes our focus, rather than praising God. Our mission of spreading the gospel to all people cannot be accomplished if we are too busy nitpicking the actions of fellow members of our congregation. Instead, we are called to build each other up with encouragement, which will bring us much closer to a unified goal.

Negative criticism does not benefit anyone

Judgmental criticism can easily become a sinful habit. Many people criticize and judge others because they think it will make them feel better about themselves. In reality, they remain just as empty inside. Being judgmental toward others cannot fill whatever void is inside them. A critical individual is only doing more and more damage every time they openly judge a fellow believer. People will be pushed away if we continually tear apart their opinions or ideas. We are told “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). We can reach more of our fellow believers by encouraging them in their work for Christ. They will be more responsive to our opinions and our teaching of the Word if we speak words of encouragement.

We do not know what others are going through in their lives

We want to be careful about criticizing others, because we do not know what is happening in their private lives. Every Christian struggles with something. Even if they do not show it, it does not mean that there is not more going on in the background. Criticism can bring down their spirits and make it more difficult for them to trust the promises that God has given. Our judgment can block them from reaching out for help when they need it. “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbor for his goo to build him up” (Romans 15:1-2). Our role as Christians is not to elevate ourselves by tearing others down, but humbling ourselves to be servants to those who need it. Encouraging words show our love for others as well as our willingness to help them in every situation.

Everyone has gifts and talents that are worthy of praise

The God-pleasing lives that we do see deserve our honor and respect. God has bestowed the blessing of numerous talents and abilities on his people. These gifts exist to serve the church is a variety of ways and each person has a place in the mission of spreading the gospel. Instead of discouraging others from using their gifts because it’s “not the way we do things,” we seek to praise others for their humble service to the church. “Since you are eager to have spiritual gifts, try to excel in gifts that build up the church” (1 Corinthians 14:12). Recognizing the amazing talents of others compels us to use our own gifts to the best of our ability. By encouraging everyone to use their abilities to the fullest, we, in turn, are encouraged to do the same.

We are only perfect through Christ

While we strive to live according to God’s commands, we are unable to constantly resist temptation. No one is perfect, we all know this full well. Every single individual born into this world has inherited sin and is unable to keep from sinning on a daily basis. Our criticism of others is a perfect example of this. But why tear down others when we fall under the same temptations that they do and will be subjected to the same judgment by God on the Last Day? Only through faith in Christ can we be perfect in God’s eyes. Therefore, criticizing the actions of others is hypocritical, since our sins are just as numerous as those of any other Christian. Instead, we are invited to “encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Hebrews 3:13). Until the day that Christ takes take us home to heaven, we want to take every opportunity to build up our fellow Christians.

Every day we are presented with opportunities to encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ. By working together and building one another up, the mission of the church can be carried out to all parts of the world. When we are tempted to criticize or judge others, we remember that Christ never judged us, but loved us enough to sacrifice himself for the sake of our sins. Our eternal judgment has been taken away forever because of our Lord. Through his gracious love, we have become his children, forever free from judgment. In his name, we seek to build one another up always, that we may continue to live in blessing under God’s almighty hand.

Dec

2019

Deep love

Originally published on the Electric Gospel on August 16, 2017.

Loving like Christ

by Alissa Ambroso

Alissa wrote this devotion for use with her high school students at a Christian academy where she was teaching.

Whether we want to admit it or not, dating has a major impact on the high school experience. It’s considered to be embarrassing if you don’t get asked to prom, it becomes a devastation if you break up with your beau, and some high schoolers may date multiple people throughout their high school careers. It becomes essential to have an Instagram relationship, a publicly intimate profile with intentional, filtered, and perfected photographs of holding hands and beach kisses. There are so many high schoolers today that feel they are “in love” with their boyfriend or girlfriend. We need to examine these relationships because many of you will face the same thing. While facing enormous pressures in the world of high school dating, I want you to remember to chase only one thing: Jesus. When you seek God’s approval rather than your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s approval, you are trusting God with your heart. You want to make sure that you do not just fall in love with being in love.

What does it mean to seek God’s approval rather than a boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s approval? We look to the Bible for that answer. The Bible describes an unconditional, unequaled love that no one else can possibly match. If you’ve ever felt like you cannot possibly go on without your boyfriend or girlfriend, I am here to tell you that God loves you more than you could possibly imagine. Because he loves you that much, he wants your whole heart, not just when it is convenient. Trusting God with your heart means that if you find yourself the only person without a date, or look at your news feed and see that everyone else is getting engaged, or you have never been in love, but have chased God as your priority in life, you will know the closest thing to a Christ-like love in this world.

The problem is that there is no absence of “love” in society. People describe everything from enjoying a certain type of food to deep affection for another human being with the word “love.” There is such a wide variety of definitions it’s no wonder we get confused about the true meaning! Do we feel love or do we do things in love? Well, we do both. When we decide to honor another person, love is the action we take no matter how we feel. The apostle John described love with the word “agape” in Greek language. It is not merely a feeling based on emotion or affection, although emotion can and will be present. Deep love is something we choose to do and put our minds to doing. Agape love is grace; it is undeserved love. There is a major difference between shallow love and Christian love. Truth and love go hand-in-hand, so that where Christ’s truth is, there true love will be, and where true love is there the Truth will be. Agape love is more than just a warm, fuzzy feeling inside of us. Christian love is completely selfless, never looking for a personal benefit. Does this mean we can never be angry with our significant other? Absolutely not! It means we look to build them up, rather than strike them down. It means that we strive to show Christ’s love to help the other person feel loved by him. It may mean we don’t want to go to their basketball game, but we do so to support them. It means we may not want to wake up early to make breakfast for our whining kids, but we do so because we love them. Christ’s love has zero hint of selfishness. It is sacrificing, everlasting. It is not rude, does not boast, is not self-seeking, and keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8). There’s no harm in keeping a list of things you want in your future spouse and, if you’re like me, you already may have made a list of characteristics. But I want you to use Scripture to make that list. If you’re able to keep chasing God and allow the godly man to chase you, you’ll find that all of those characteristics get checked in time. Now, this isn’t a quick fix to the so called “problem” of singleness. Yes, it may be lonely during the homecoming dance, it may be difficult seeing everyone around you in seemingly happy relationships, but there is no greater love than the love your Father in heaven has for you. Trust him with your whole heart.

So how will you know if the person that comes into your life is someone you should be with? Remember that true love seeks the truth, is always healing, never harming. If your relationship emphasizes Christ’s truth together and looks to build each other up rather than cutting down, pray. That well may be the right relationship for your future. Notice I didn’t say that it was the right relationship without a doubt. God may bring many Christian men or women into your life, but relying on the principles you learn in his Word, his truth will guide you toward godly decisions. Date intentionally. A boyfriend or girlfriend who does not love what you love cannot help you grow closer to that love. If the person you have interest in is not following Christ, then you need to reevaluate those feelings and think about who you’re chasing. Agape love isn’t just expressing your feelings; it’s also about listening to their feelings. Again, it is selfless. When your significant other asks you about your day, without hopes of more time to talk about theirs, it is an attempt to show love. A pastor wisely said, “Listening in love means we seek to understand others on their own terms, as they themselves want to be understood.” It goes beyond being physically supportive. Listening to one another is possible because first we listen to the Lord.

While an unconditional love in this world can’t compare to the truly unconditional love of Christ for his people, we can strive for such a love. Focus on Christ until the person you will love always in Christ comes into your life. Whoever may come down your road, always ask yourself, “Who am I pursuing?”

Dec

2019

Learning lessons about friendship

Originally published on The Electric Gospel on April 13, 2017.

Learning lessons about friendship

by Megan Koester

This letter is written to those I wished had been my friends in grade school, or the ones that were my friends, but as the years went on they faded away due to rumors and bad reputations.

*****************

Dear schoolmates,

We have been going to school together for a few years now, but there are times that we do not all get along. Some days we are all the best of friends and we all play together at recess, but on other days none of you want to be seen with me. I am writing this to explain my side of the story and to hopefully better understand why things are the way they are.

I know that no one is perfect and that is why feelings can be hurt. What happens is we do not always put others above ourselves; everyone is guilty of it. I also understand that it is easy sometimes to leave people out without realizing it, but I’m hoping this letter can make you realize it. You might also hear things about people and believe them to be true, but that is not always the case.

I look to the eighth commandment when struggling with a possible rumor. As the commandment says, “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16). When you get told something about someone and you are not sure it is true, the best step is to talk to the person first. Ask whether or not it is true, because stories get made up or sometimes they get accidentally changed, like in the game telephone. Always keep that person’s reputation in mind. No matter what you hear, think of that person first and talk to them. There is an important proverb to remember in regard to gossip: “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:13).

A true friend is someone who looks out for others and includes them in everything. All of us struggle with this and may leave people out. This can be for many reasons. It might even be because of the rumors you have heard about the person. Other times we leave people out because they do not fit in our group of friends. The problem never goes away. Even parents leave other adults out of an activity because they feel they do not belong.

Think of the story of Zacchaeus. Jesus called him out of the tree and went to his house for dinner. Jesus’ disciples were unhappy about this because Zacchaeus they saw him as a dirty tax collector. Jewish tax collectors were disliked because they would cheat people out of more money than needed. The tax collectors would then keep that extra money for themselves. The disciples thought Zacchaeus did not deserve to be eating with their leader, our Savior. Jesus pointed out that he had come to earth to save everyone, and everyone was the same in God’s eyes. Everyone was covered in sins and needed their sins washed away.

In our lives, everyone is different, yet we all are forgiven because of God’s love. We are loved, and we too want to love everyone because of Christ’s love in us. One of my favorite passages is 1 John 4:19 – “We love because he first loved us.” This is, of course, difficult for all of us to do because we are sinful, but because of God’s mercy and Jesus’ death we are forgiven.

Next time you hear a rumor or are about to leave someone out of your group, talk to the person. Take a moment to show the love that Jesus showed you. Go out and show that love to others because Jesus has filled us with much to share with everyone around. I will continue to pray for you, and I ask that you continue to pray for me.

Your sister in Christ,

Megan

Dec

2019

Love where love has been lacking

Originally published on The Electric Gospel on December 21, 2014.

The holidays can be joyous times for families … or extremely stressful times. Families often aren’t as harmonious as we hope they would be. Relationships are sometimes tense, sometimes badly marred, sometimes completely broken. How do we handle pain and hurt within our families?

This Electric Gospel post may not seem like a Christmas message, but in many ways it is very fitting at this time. A young woman has shared with me her story of struggle in her relationship with her father, and has granted permission to share the story here with you. If Christmas is a time for families, it is also a time for seeking reconciliation with family members.

Christ be with all of you in your families at Christmas.

****************

Honor thy Father?

Author’s name withheld

If you’re anything like me, we all learned our commandments as children. The one that was drilled into my head the most was the 4^th Commandment. I knew that I had to be obedient to parents and authority figures because God put them into place to help me and take care of me. I had a tough time keeping this commandment. No, I was not a rebellious child. I loved my mom and other authority figures in my life. However, I always had a beef with God’s commandment when it came to my dad.

My dad was never there for me. Yes he was there physically, kind of, but never emotionally. He would not come to my piano or dance recitals, or sports games. He didn’t talk to me about my day. I never once remember him telling me he loved me, or that he was proud of me. Additionally, he hardly ever went to church with us. Work, watching television, or sleep was more important to him than spending time with his family.

My parents divorced when I was in high school. Feelings of anger and hurt bubbled to the surface in me. I watched how my father treated my mom, my brother and me. I witnessed his deception and greed and saw his lack of concern for us. How was I supposed to honor a father who does not care, repeatedly tells lies, and continually acts selfishly? I could not understand how to do this. I realized during this stressful time that no matter how hard I tried to please my father and make him proud of me, I could not gain his approval. Trying to let go of the anger and hurt hasn’t been easy; in fact it’s still lingering in my heart. During my years of growing up and going through the divorce, I didn’t know how to love and obey my father.

Obviously, my relationship with my earthly father is very strained. I am not perfect and he is not perfect. Yet I knew I was commanded to obey him. It is incredibly hard to honor and obey a parent who has not lived up to the standard God has put into place for him. Scripture states, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). I was more than exasperated. I have been infuriated with my father for the kind of father he is. I also am frustrated with how his sins have affected my life. But I also realize that I am sinful. God does not see my father’s sins differently than mine; all sins are sins in God’s eyes (James 2:10). How then can I be vengeful toward a man who is the same as me in God’s eyes? I cannot return an evil for an evil. Holding a grudge against my father isn’t going to make anything better. As the apostle Peter advised us, “It is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil” (1 Peter 3:17). Peter was speaking to Christians who were being persecuted for their faith. He was urging them to love their enemies and to suffer for doing good. As I see it, this also applies to those children who have had a parent like I’ve had. It’s easy to want revenge on those who have hurt us. But how much better could life be if instead of doing evil or thinking evil we do good and think positively about those who cause us hurt? How much better could life be if we forgive others as God forgives us? Understandably, this is easier said than done, but God calls us to no longer see anyone from a worldly point of view (2 Corinthians 5:16).

I have learned how important it is to extend grace to a parent who has left scars. Our Father extended grace to us when he sent his Son to live the perfect life that we could not, suffer death in our place, and rise victorious over death and the devil. Our heavenly Father showed us his mercy; through him we are able to show mercy and grace to people who may have hurt us. By showing grace to a parent that’s hurt us, we are honoring and obeying parents just as God has commanded. They don’t deserve this, but we didn’t deserve to be saved by Jesus either. By showing grace to someone who has done us wrong, we not only show our faith, but also share the love of Christ. I know my father had to hear God’s law, but now I realize he needs to hear the gospel. He needs to be shown how to be loved again after years of hate and anger. Showing love to my father is not going to come from my own power, but from my Father above.

Currently, I am extending a line of communication to my father, letting him know I do not want to talk about the hurt. I simply want to be able to have a plain conversation with him, something we have not been able to do since the divorce happened. I wrote a letter stating that I pray for a real heartfelt apology, but know I may never receive one. I just pray that we will be able to talk, that I will be able to forgive him for his transgressions, and that we can try to have a “normal” relationship.

So to those of you reading this who have experienced the same kind of hurt I’ve had from a parent and struggle with keeping God’s commandment, extend grace. Forgive and love a parent who has caused so much hurt … because God loves you. Honoring a parent who has failed to be a godly parent may take a different form than what we would have wanted, but we can still honor them in Christian love. Pray for your parents, however they may have behaved. Pray for yourself, asking God to give you a forgiving heart. Look for the opportunity to do good because of how good Jesus has been to you. Extend the love that Christ has given you.

Dec

2019

Women and Men in Relationship under Christ

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Originally published on the Electric Gospel on May 24, 2014.

When I originally began the Electric Gospel blog, it was to give voice to what I considered an important thought from a young woman who struggled through a relationship. She had dated a man who didn’t understand what God wants of men as they relate to women. This message returned to that theme, this time with a letter from another young woman, writing to her sister about what to seek in a relationship with a man.

A Letter to My Sister

Author’s name withheld by request

I need to tell you that I am sorry. You have endured countless trials over the last few years, and I have seen how hard each one has been for you. But I will be the first to admit that I have not always been there for you during the rough times. Even when I was present, I didn’t provide the support and comfort that you needed at the time. I wasn’t always willing or able to share your burdens, because I didn’t understand how you ended up in many of those situations. I thought I knew what was best for you. I just couldn’t comprehend why you couldn’t see things the way I did. I wanted you to stop being so depressed. Instead of listening to you, understanding what you felt and discovering your needs, I tried to cheer you up. I tried to distract you and show you where to go next. When it comes down to it, I made it all about me.

It never should have been that way. I am sorry that I failed to sit with you, let you cry and listen to you. I’m sorry that I tried to fix you instead of help you.

Lately I have been working very hard to listen to you. I mean really listen to what you say and what you truly mean–rather than what I think you should mean. What I want to tell you now speaks to what is truly on your heart and mind. I am not telling you this because I just want the crying to stop or because I somehow need to say this for myself. I am telling you these things because I truly care about you and your future relationships.

I know you have trouble believing what the Bible has to say about women submitting to their husbands. Christ’s apostle said, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18). You say that it shouldn’t be that way, because women should be equal to men. Women shouldn’t be held back or forced to go down the wrong road because of bum husbands. You think that a woman should be strong and independent.

I can understand where you are coming from. You have dated men who don’t respect you the way they should, who don’t understand your needs as a woman and who fail to value your unique gifts and perspectives. On top of that, all around us we see men who simply don’t live up to God’s expectations for their lives. In turn, we see women who pay for it.

I think there is a lot we are forgetting about here. Remember that the Bible has something to say to men, too. Paul also wrote in one of his letters, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

Just as Christ loved the church.

Wow. Christ loved the church a LOT. Christ left heaven to live among sinful human beings. He was eventually tortured and killed by the very humans he came to redeem. He suffered hell on the cross when God left him completely alone with the sins of the entire world on his shoulders.

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.

When the Holy Spirit inspired Paul to write these words, the intention wasn’t that women would go out and marry men that would control and oppress them. The intention was that God’s children would model their lives, attitudes and relationships around the model of Jesus Christ and his beloved, the church. Christ is the head of the church. He leads his sheep. He listens to them. He does what is best for them. He gave his life for them.

Of course, we don’t find this in our imperfect world. Far too often we encounter men who abuse their wives. We see men who push their wives around and take advantage of them. Many husbands simply fail to provide their wives with the attention, leadership, respect and sensitivity that they should.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. I want you to look for someone who models his life after Christ. This man will lead you in the way that is best for you. He will respect you and listen to you. He will strive to understand you and your needs. In turn, you will respect him and support him. You will encourage him and help him be the man God has designed him to be.

He still won’t be perfect. You still won’t be perfect. But I urge you to look to Christ. Ask the Spirit for strength during the good times and the bad. Use God’s Word as a model for your lives together. God will be with you as you live together the way he intended, and you will be greatly blessed!

I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. I promise to listen to you. I promise to help when you want it, not when I think you need it. I promise to do what I can to be a better sister and a better friend.

Dec

2019

Struggling to Forgive

Originally published on The Electric Gospel on April 5, 2014.

We struggle to forgive those who have wronged us. Our strength and love to be forgiving will flow from the one who continually loves and forgives us–our Lord Jesus Christ. Brooke King prepared this devotion in the form of a letter to a friend.

Forgiveness

by Brooke King

Dear Jane,

It’s was so nice to see you last Sunday at church, I know it’s been awhile, especially with everything that has happened these past few weeks. Catching up with you was so nice and I’m glad to see you smiling again. Perhaps we can meet sometime for coffee down at Lola’s; I hear it’s becoming quite popular with the students on campus. I found that meeting and talking with people often seems the best way to lighten the heart and take a few steps forward. You know you can count on me to be walking along your side. Even if you’re busy, remember that Jesus is always walking with you and you can talk to him about anything.

I know you mentioned you were struggling with forgiveness. Sometimes it seems that it’s more of God’s place to forgive than ours, especially when we’ve really been hurt. God’s love is unconditional after all and we can become so scarred by the sins committed against us that it is hard to show love to others. However, Jesus told his disciples that they have authority to forgive sins too, not just him. For many people this can be comforting to hear. Jesus said, “If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven” (John 20:23). I know you’ve been hurt Jane, but withholding forgiveness may eventually become more of a burden to you than to your mother. Although her actions were hurtful to you, God desires that you have peace with yourself and with others. The Lord through Paul says “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). Even when sins are committed against us unknowingly, we can seek to forgive those who’ve done wrong.

Jesus came to this world to live a perfect life for us, to suffer at our hands, and die for our sins. Imagine how big of a grudge he could have held against us! He had every reason in the world not to forgive us for making him suffer. Despite every denial that shattered his trust, he chose to forgive us. Despite every insult that broke his heart, he chose to forgive us. Despite every lash that scarred his skin, he chose to forgive us. Despite every nail that was put in his flesh, he still chose to forgive us. Even as he was hanging on the cross, he looked at us, the unrepentant sinners we were and said, “Father, forgive them” (Luke 23:34). The love that Jesus has for us is boundless. He desires our peace with the Father even before we begin to repent. Be comforted Jane that despite your sins or your unwilling heart to forgive, you have been forgiven and given peace through your Savior.

Jane, I know your mother has not acknowledged the pain she has caused you. I know how much you love her despite her sins. I pray that you can be at peace with your mother, not because she deserves your forgiveness, but because of the loving forgiveness you have in Christ which moves you to show forgiveness and live at peace with all people. As you seek out Jesus and consider the peace he has given you for your eternal future, may your own willingness to forgive continue to grow. May you share this gift with your mother and all people so that you may live in peace with the love of Christ abundant in your hearts.

With Christ’s love,

Brooke

Dec

2019

I Will Respect You

Originally published on The Electric Gospel on March 15, 2014.

A young woman speaks from her own difficult experience about what healthy man-woman relationships look like.

I Will Respect You

by Mariah Wild

It is in the look she gives him, that he just does not seem to understand. It is in her sighs when his back is turned. It is in her tears that she has to cry alone.

A woman, she expresses herself through emotions and by them is how she loves deeply and hurts most. Yet those same emotions have the ability inexplicably to trip her up when they prevent her from leaving an unhealthy relationship. She has found herself having allowed an emotional attachment to have taken place between her and her man, one that has now become a detriment to her when the questions arise. Why is he asking me to “submit” to him, when I do not feel comfortable doing that? Why am I getting the feeling that I am worthless? How much does it hurt when he does not appreciate my personal gifts and talents that God has blessed me with?

A woman does not easily acknowledge that her boyfriend is mistreating her. And once she is able to remove the rose tinted sunglasses rather than peeking over the top every once in a while to see the truth, what does she do then? She forces herself to go back and take a deeper look at what the things she thought she was doing wrong the whole time, coming to the conclusion that the problem is not so much her as was him. She searches for the key to this downward spiral. She wants to find what was driving him to be this way, and how had she been so taken in by him while being misled.

I was once this woman, and if your man was anything like the male counterpart I had at one time, even though he was a Christian, he had a misinterpretation of this Bible passage. Perhaps, hurt wife or girlfriend, you can see that this is where your man also derived his own ideas.
“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18)

The “submit” in this passage, if interpreted correctly, is about respect. Respect your husband as God asks us to. Men look for this respect, as they look for the encouragement of that we are proud of them. We can be proud of our men in many circumstances and give them the respect that they look for. This becomes a challenge however, when they mistreat us or when they see submission as a form of servitude or forceful compliance in terms of physical affection.

We cannot as women make the men in our lives re-evaluate themselves. Rather we can offer another Bible verse to encourage men to make the adjustment for their women that God has entrusted them to care for; “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.” (Ephesians 5:25)

Christ is the ultimate example for how men should love their women. Christ was the first to love all of us and was willing to show that love even to the point of laying down his life on the cross. When men have Christ in their hearts, love and commitment and unselfish sacrifice will flow from them to their wives, their own beloved. When women see and feel this, their men are truly worth respecting.

Body-Building

If you see someone, be someone

Be Liberal with your Love

Building Others Up … Not Tearing Them Down

Loving like Christ

Learning lessons about friendship

Honor thy Father?

Saturday, May 24, 2014

A Letter to My Sister

Forgiveness

I Will Respect You

Subscribe